Humor

[JDgreen]

Happiness is being Retired,every day is a holiday!...russ

But you don't get holiday pay.....

 

[Bison]

Being retired is hell.
Worn out and useless :thumbdown:nothing but downhill from there on :tongue:
The best years of yer life are behind ye

 

[JDgreen]

Being retired is hell.
Worn out and useless :thumbdown:nothing but downhill from there on :tongue:
The best years of yer life are behind ye

Sorry you feel that way, been retired since late 2002, just turned 60 last week, and I still feel great and all my parts and plumbing still work.

This week they work, anyhow. :thumbsup:

 

[173abn]

have to disagree with you Bison my friend.I love being retired,no more bosses,no more hassles,no more driving to work 30miles every day in all kinds of weather.I'm my own boss now,I call the shots and if my dogs don't like it too bad...russ

 

[JDgreen]

A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the oasis, only to find a little old Jewish man at a small stand, selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"

The Jewish man replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5."

The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an over-priced tie. I need water! I should kill you, but I must find water first!"
"OK," said the old Jewish man, "It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show you that I am bigger than that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a lovely restaurant.
It has all the ice cold water you need.
Shalom."

Cursing, the Taliban staggered away over the hill Several hours later he staggered back, almost dead & said,

"Your f****ing brother won't let me in without a tie!"

This one is so old it has COBWEBS, has been in print 50 years at least. BOOOOOOO :thumbdown::thumbdown:

 

[JDgreen]

have to disagree with you Bison my friend.I love being retired,no more bosses,no more hassles,no more driving to work 30miles every day in all kinds of weather.I'm my own boss now,I call the shots and if my dogs don't like it too bad...russ

SO TRUE, retired at age 51 myself, still feel as healthy as I was at 40, making 35 grand a year with my pension after taxes to do whatever I want whenever I want. Wife retired when I did, pulls down a 40 grand a year pension and went back to work 3/4 time, she earns another 40 grand there after taxes. No mortgage, everything is paid off, we are healthier than 99% of folks our age...

LIFE IS SO GOOD.....:biggrin::biggrin::thumbsup:

 

[Mower manic]

Every Saturday morning he has an early tee time. He gets up early and eager, golfs all day long, sometimes 36 holes.

Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his clubs out of the closet and goes to his car to drive to the course.

Coming out of his garage rain is pouring down; torrential downpour.

There is snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph.

He returns to the garage. He comes back into the house and turns the TV to the weather channel. He finds it's going to be bad weather all day long, so he puts his clubs back into the closet, quietly undresses and slips back into bed.

There he cuddles up to his wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispers, "The weather out there is terrible." To which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out golfing in that crap?"

 

[Mower manic]

For the scotsman

A guy comes into a bar and asks the barman for twelve-year-old scotch. The barman thinks "This guy is pretty pretentious" and proceeds to pour him a drink of six-year-old scotch.

He gives it to the customer who takes a drink, exclaiming, "This isn't twelve-year-old scotch, this is six-year-old scotch"

The barman thinks, hey this guy knows what he's talking about, and the two of them get into a conversation about where the customer is from etc..

At one point an old guy, who was sitting at the other end of the bar comes over with a glass and hands it to the customer. The latter takes a drink, and spits it out.

"This is pi1$$!" he yells.

The old guy nods and says, "Yeah, but how old am I?"

 

[Bison]

have to disagree with you Bison my friend.I love being retired,no more bosses,no more hassles,no more driving to work 30miles every day in all kinds of weather.I'm my own boss now,I call the shots and if my dogs don't like it too bad...russ

Sooo..... i am my own boss (farmer)never needed to drive cause i live at my work,i call all shots everyday,no employees either.

Does that mean for me i have to go work as a employee for some outfit in order to be "retired" :laughing:

What does it mean to "Retire"
What do you "retired" guys do all day besides mowing your 5 square foot lawn and yap on this forum :confused2:

 

[JDgreen]

This garter snake slithers into a bar and up on a stool, and the bartender asks "so what will you have" and the snake orders a vodka gimlet.

The bartender turns, and begins mixing the drink, and suddenly stops, saying: "Sorry, but I can't serve you alcohol".

When the snake inquires why, he is told: "Because you can't hold your liquor...."