A husband and wife are driving down a country road when a cop pulls the man over.
Husband: What's the trouble, officer?
Cop: Sir, I clocked you doing 65mph in a 55mph zone
Husband: No you did not, I was not doing 1 mile over the speed limit
Cop: Sir, we have highly sophisticated radar in our cars, and they're accurate within .00001% of 1 mile per hour.
Husband: I don't give a dayum what you have in your car. And you can stick that radar up your bee hind. I know how fast I was going and I know I was not speeding.
The officer, plainly agitated at this point and starts to say something when the wife breaks in and says "Officer, it'll do you no good to argue with my husband when he's been drinking."
Officer with blue lights flashing falls in behind a speeder, but he won't pull over. Chase proceeds several miles before the guy pulls over.
Officer asks the guy, "You were only 5MPH over, which is only a warning ticket. Why didn't you pull over ?"
Speeder looks at the cop and says, "My wife ran away with a cop. I thought you were him... trying to return her !"