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Your laff 4 2 day

#1

jmurray01

jmurray01

Well, seeing as Mr Bill isn't on the forums any longer, I'll do a joke for today.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he
picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange,
disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his
flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more
after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a
vacation after the next big score, then clicked the
light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could
disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the
corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people
would name a bird Moses."
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus." he replied.

OK, hands up, I didn't create it, but it cracked me up when I read it! :laughing:


#2

wjjones

wjjones

I have heard this one before but its still a good one...:laughing:....:smile:...


#3

Sammy the Red

Sammy the Red

Yup, a good one indeed !


#4

O

Oddball

:laughing: I'd never heard that before.

I got one: What's the definition of a dyslexic atheistic insomniac?












Someone that stays awake all night trying figure out how to prove there is no .... DOG!! hahahahaha


#5

Mowerdawg

Mowerdawg

How does a male mower maniac find a female mower maniac in the tall grass at sunset??










(delightful!):laughing::licking:


#6

M

Mower manic

I don't get it! :mad: :confused2::rolleyes: :eek:


#7

JDgreen

JDgreen

Mower manic said:
I don't get it! :mad: :confused2::rolleyes: :eek:
Click to expand...

Not surprising, you have always been the stupidest, most worthless turd here since you joined LMF.

Members like you are one of the reasons I left LMF. Bet the truth hurts, Mower Moron...:laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing::laughing:


#8

RobertBrown

RobertBrown

JDgreen said:
Members like you are one of the reasons I left LMF.
Click to expand...

You just made him a hero :tongue:


#9

Mowerdawg

Mowerdawg

Mower manic said:
I don't get it! :mad: :confused2::rolleyes: :eek:
Click to expand...

sorry, didn't realize there was a handle being used for M.M.

The joke actually goes like this.

How does a male elephant find a female elephant in the tall grass at sunset?

delightful.

Get it? He finds her delightful..........sorry........this went over like a concrete cloud......(snivel)


#10

Mowerdawg

Mowerdawg

RobertBrown said:
You just made him a hero :tongue:
Click to expand...

Him? really............


#11

Mowerdawg

Mowerdawg

jmurray01 said:
Well, seeing as Mr Bill isn't on the forums any longer, I'll do a joke for today.

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his
flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he
picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange,
disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his
flashlight out, and froze. When he heard nothing more
after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a
vacation after the next big score, then clicked the
light on and began searching for more valuables.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could
disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically,
looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the
corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
"Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses?" the burglar laughed. "What kind of people
would name a bird Moses."
"The kind of people that would name a rottweiler Jesus." he replied.

OK, hands up, I didn't create it, but it cracked me up when I read it! :laughing:
Click to expand...

On my mower shop I have a brass bell with a sign: Ring bell for service.
underneath in small print (Service is our German Shepard)


#12

jmurray01

jmurray01

Mowerdawg said:
On my mower shop I have a brass bell with a sign: Ring bell for service.
underneath in small print (Service is our German Shepard)
Click to expand...
Remind me to go to your mower shop :laughing:


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