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Hello all. Having some issues involving the in-laws “family” cabin.

In addition to the amount of work a cabin requires, this one needs more. It’s off grid, boat access only. Supplies need to be dragged down a hill and boated across.

Any kind of work and maintenance is easily doubled due to this.

I have done lots of work and repair because the father in law is70 and has a hard time keeping up. Besides I can’t sit on my *** and watch a 70 year old man work. It just ain’t right.

One of my issues is that my interpretation of a familly cabin is everyone gets their week or so, and then it’s someone else’s turn. Of course there’s usually an open week, and of course “work” weekends, as required.

This cabin is like a drop in where the grandkids come and go at will (empty handed), and it seems they are always busy for the “work” weekends.

Then There’s my brother in law “Jeff”. Jeff......

...Is 40 years old and lives in his parents basement
...is at the cabin without fail every weekend from May until October
...never brings any food or supplies (he is broke and has no money), BUT,
...he always has beer, pot, cigars, cigarettes, and he bought a drone, and
...has a new pickup truck with tinted windows, lift kit (point mad I think)
...never helps prepare meals, wash dishes
...never doesn’t any work at the cabin, or even help carry supplies from the boat
...complains if the meal is not to his liking
...over eats without consideration that others need to eat too

Basically he is a POS.

It feels like I go out to provide mom and dad with respite. I hate it. It’s not my place to say something but I don’t want to go anymore. I offered to buy a cottage or rent one as my wife really enjoys it. But the family cabin is special to her. She didn’t have much in life so this place means a lot, and her brothers behavior is normal.

In addition to doing all the work while “Jeff” sat and drank beer, the tipping point was when we all went into town to restock supplies last year. Of course “Jeff” restocked his beer, and pot with the money he didn’t have, but when I wanted to stop at a store to purchase a cabin maintenance related item, “Jeff” said “I’m on my holidays and we’re not wasting anymore of my time driving around”.

This guy is an arrogant, lazy, freeloading jerk. The parents enable him.

I want to help mom and dad out as I enjoy building and fixing things. But I’m having a real problem with this guy. I was able to ignore him and simply take the high road and be the better person.

I can do lazy but I don’t do disrespectful.

Wifey doesn’t want to buy or rent because she thinks her parents will be insulted.

As of last year I still went out, but I have stopped doing any work on the cabin except for dishes, and meal prep. It’s not my cabin and not my responsibility. I find it difficult to watch dad work.

Any ideas how to tackle this? And yes I’ve thought about using him as a boat anchor, lol. Jk

I would avoid Jeff at all costs. Make sure your wife knows what the score is and stick to your guns on this. I've found in 48 years of marriage the best way to get along with the in-laws is to keep a good distance, avoid contact as possible. Might suggest your wife go to the cabin with her family and you stay home (and enjoy the peace and quiet.)

It’s a shame because I really do enjoy the cabin experience, but this one feels like a daycare for one adult baby.

The wife isn’t open to renting so I may just rent a cabin for myself and visit the daycare during the day. Maybe the parents will get it? Maybe not.

I want to say something but it may start a war. The mom baby’s this guy. It’s actually very disgusting.

Typical behavior from a POT HEAD !

Pray

Yup. Most potheads are the same. Prayer will not work. Ive tried everything. Guilt. Shame. Nothing works

Take the pot away, he'll still be a ********. It's what some people are. There isn't much you can do, the parents are like the boss. if they allow it, you're not going to change it. Say and do things, you'll likely make it worse for yourself. They'll do something about it when it becomes an issue for them, until then, the only issue you'll raise is one about you, at least that's how they'll see it.

Ignore him, or don't go.

So do you think plain avoidance is the best way?

Why not say something? Evil prevails while good men say nothing?

What about renting a cabin on my own? Maybe mom and will get the message?

Do I tell them I’m not doing any more work or just stop working and let them figure it out?

Pick your battles man. Evil does prevail, that's one way to look at it, but blood is also thicker than water. Raise an issue, just be sure you're ready to deal with the fallout of family. They obviously aren't going to do anything, the kid is 40 already. the time to do something was a long long time ago and they allow it anyway. I wouldn't hold my breath.

how likely are they to see what you're saying if they haven't seen it already? Go ahead and raise the issue, just be prepared for what might follow. Without knowing all the dynamics it's hard to say. I might just swallow my words and help where I can and let it be, or next time we're running into town and he says something I might pull over and tell him to get the **** out. After sitting on his *** all day he should have plenty of energy to hike his *** back to the cabin while I go run my errands. Or something in between.

Unfortunately we were in the parents vehicle when he opened his mouth. Had it been my vehicle, he’d be walking back to the cabin, after he picked up all his teeth of the highway.

I’m done buying groceries for a 40 year old man baby. I’d really just like to rent a cabin for ourselves. I don’t think the parents would say anything. If they ask I’d simply say I wanted a place to ourselves, and don’t like burdening other familly members. Leave it at that.

As for work (should I go out there) it’s not happening. If there’s a work project and everyone is chipping in, then I’ll help out. Gone are the days of me working while Jeff does nothing. Even if dad is struggling. I’ve already stopped kicking in financially (other than food ).

It may even come down to me renting my own cabin and wifey can stay with her parents, and man baby. She doesn’t understand it will be harder to explain me renting a cabin by myself as opposed to renting one together.

EricC has given you GOOD advice. Heed it. You are highly unlikely to overcome the 'blood is thicker than water' element here.

Buy the cabin and toss him out. Or buy your own cabin. He’s not changing.

They won’t sell the cabin. I’d never buy my own either. I’d just rent.

This week I took tom3’s advice. She took the dogs and went to the cabin for the week to look after man baby. (He’s since quit his job in the city and is “working” in cottage country). His ultimate plan is to work all summer in cottage country and get laid off for the winter and collect govt benefits. So man baby is there full time. Cottage just became a shithole.

Any ways, I actually enjoyed the quiet without the dogs, and wifey.

Sounds like a family meeting Is in order. You cant have a shared cabin without strict rules and an agreement on how work and expenses are shared. the 70 year old owner needs to step up and set the agenda and demand that everyone pitch in. THIS NEEDS TO BE SETTLED BEFORE HE DIES. Its hard to admit but it is inevitable. There will be a constant battle if you don't get this resolved. NOW

I’d love to do this, but it’s not my family, it’s hers. I wanted to buy our own cabin and avoid all the future crap.

For all I know they’re gonna leave the cabin to him, which is fine. Worst case is they leave it to my wife, and her brother which means he will expect to be there 100% of the time, pay 0% of the costs, and 0% of the work.

If left to him only he will burn the cabin down, or destroy it by neglect. Family cabin gone forever.

Plus I’d like to get everything I. Place now while I’m working. I don’t want to deal with this when I’m retired.

We could get our own place and mom and dad can do whatever they want with man baby.

I’m seriously ok with staying home. She can deal with her brother, and the loss of the cabin in the future.

Similar situation but slightly different-

Campground I built down in my dad's woods next to the creek.

Firepit, outhouse, picnic tables, mowed with a push mower to keep the grass short and a old camper to store things and to get out of the whether if the sky turned gray.

Because it was "family land" everybody got to use it. Firewood I cut up was gone when I needed it, Rain filled water tank for the outhouse was empty when I needed it. Stuff in the camper was used but not replace like charcoal, lighter fluid, paper plates, etc...

Started to lock things up. Has a discussion with my dad about what happens when he and or my mom passed away. He realized with the investment I put into this piece of land I should get it. They both passed away a few years ago and I inherited this chunk of property with my inheritance.

I would have you (or probably your wife) discuss the plans for the cabin when her parents pass away and mention the investments you have made to the property. If you find out your wife doesn't get it free and clear upon their passing I would find your own cabin (own or rent) and invest your time and money in that.

Due to a "handshake agreement" the family still has access to the site but everything other than the fire pit and picnic tables are locked up tighter than a drum.

Much like Tom I just absent myself from family situations that caused grief.
I found excuses not to be there, usually by manipulating holidays.

What you have to remember a lot of old time families , particularly those with very strong religious beliefs raise their daughters to be subservient to the males.
Thus these women believe that their proper place in the planet is domestic servitude to men, be it their father, husband or brothers,
Even worse slaving over men makes them feel empowered.
Nothing you can say or do will change that apart from bringing up your daughters up better.
There are a lot of men who see " The Stepford Wives" as being the way the world should be.
I rather feel your brother in law is one of them.

Your wife will probably keep mothering the "man child" till she draws her final breath on her death bed.
The best you can do is try to divert her from the cabin.
Book some European river tours , case she has worked hard & deserves a break then perhaps a cruise , do the trip across Candia by train or even come down here, do The Gahn and the Indian Pacific.
Even The Orient Express.
If man child has to do without his slave far a few seasons he might do something useful

And if pot is a jailing offence there, send the local sherrif a heads up that there is a dope dealer ( provide his car details ) living in a cabin up there somewhere.

Two things will case the selfish & lazy top man up .
He is too old for the Marines so looks like it will be jail for him.

He will either learn to man up & look after himself or won't walk out of prison.
Naturally you will need to appear devistated that such a thing could have happened to him and be sympathetic & even supportive.

Some one who has no real income, new vehicle & toys will have a hard time proving he is not living off the proceeds of crime and is likely to get a maximum sentence, particularly if his court case is around county election time.

Unfortunately pot is now legal in Canada. So he,can now smoke all he wants.

To further add to the situation he has now quit his job in The city to work all summer in cottage country. So he’s now there full time, may till November.

Wife,has only been out once for a week. (She used to go pretty much every weekend and 3 weeks in August )

Her brother texted my daughter and mentioned that “you guys don’t come out much anymore”. Ha!

I think I may just make a day trip and pick up my table saw, and mitre saw. No more work from me.

If anyone asks if I’m gonna build anything (outhouse Needs replacing, and an outdoor shower has been mentioned)

Should I just flat out tell them No? Would I be justified in saying I don’t work on my holidays, but I can be hired?

I can maybe mention “Jeff” didn’t want to waste his holiday time driving around so I’m not wasting my time working?

I’m leaning towards picking up my tools and never going back. I’d really like to let the parents know the reason why.

QUOTE: Her brother texted my daughter and mentioned that “you guys don’t come out much anymore”. Ha!
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He doesn't have the GUTS to confer with anyone except someone he feels is his subordinate, and in this case a female child or young adult.

Either knock him on his *** and tell him to stay out or move your belongings out and tell , with direct firm eye contact, him, your wife and her parents how the cow ate the cabbage. This may lead to divorce but so be it to be less miserable.

So when he tells you you don't come up here much any more you just use his line back to him.
We are having a holiday, not coming up to the cabin to do work on our holidays.
Get a van & go see the world leave the cabin for one weekend a year make it a specific birthday , christmas, etc etc.
If you can only be there for a weekend then you only come up for a weekend with a weekends worth of supplies.
And of course you can't do much constructions in a single weekend.

So in case anyone cares to partake in the saga:

cabin season 2019 I wasn’t present. Wife made excuses for me (no holidays, sick, dog ate homework) and thanksgiving was wife, mom, dad, and baby Jeff. Usually way more people. No one wants to come out anymore. Wife fesses up and says I’m not coming out anymore because of baby Jeff.

cabin is closed for the season, dad tells wife he doesn’t think he can do this anymore (maintain cabin). Dad starts dropping weight in October and come November our lives will change as we prepare for a battle that can’t be won. I won’t even mention it’s name but starts with the letter c.

jan 2020 we lose our matriarch. Shortly after the death mom dumps onto our lap that she is being verbally and emotionally abused by baby jeff. She blamed Jeff’s enabling on dad and she wants it to stop. She wants baby Jeff to get a job, and start being more independent. She’s terrified of him.

there is also a new virus on its way from China. We don’t know this yet, nor do we know the impact.

the Dust has settled on the estate and mom asks if we’d like to buy half a cabin (needs a wee bit a help in the finances). She’s going to keep the other half, and of course baby Jeff will get the other half.

we aren’t,interested and tell her we will buy the entire cabin. All or nothing. Baby Jeff is welcome to come out but there’s a new sherif in town. He will have to do something and/or bring something.

baby Jeff is furious we are stealing his cabin. It’s not fair! He’s entitled to it. And he’s not going to do what he’s told. Nobody tells him what to do.

word travels were buying the cabin. Neighbors are relieved as we find,out he’s being shooting guns in the back yard, out of boats. Playing loud music, flying a drone around the lake, spying on 15myear old girls tanning (he has the right to do this) he’s picked fights, and is feeding the wildlife. People want it to,stop.

we explain to baby Jeff he will have to change or no more cabin. He threatens me and tells me to watch out.

‘’’the cabin collapses off the foundation and a monumental cabin,season is under way to clean up. Baby Jeff is no where to be found. He’s not helping because he’s lazy, and “it’s not my cabin, not my responsibility“

as we close up the cabin for the season baby Jeff magically appears with a case of beer, bag of weed, etc. he’s planning to come out all winter. I tell him nope. He’s a guest and isn’t welcome until next spring we will try again.

we haven’t signed paperwork with mom cause it’s family right? Baby Jeff flips out on mom and demands 10% of the cabin (not buying he just wants)

we think mom is coming over to sign the papers but instead she comes over to attack me and tell me I’m being to hard on baby Jeff. She says she will only sell us 90% of the cabin and baby Jeff gets 10% when she dies because “she always wants baby Jeff to have access to the cabin”
I refuse and she totally blows up on me. Says I’m controlling, and unreasonable and I always have to get my way. I’m being difficult because I won’t own a cabin with baby Jeff. She doesn’t get it.

she was never selling us a cabin. She,was looking,for us to enable him when she’s dead. Plain and simple.

we don’t speak for 14 months. In the mean time baby Jeff goes to the cabin in 2021. He’s using my new outboard motor without my permission (old motor was sold and proceeds used to purchase new motor so baby Jeff think so it’s the cabins motor, not mine)

mom has lunch this year with daughter and wife. She misses us and wants us all back at the cabin. Wants it to go back to the way it was. She says we don’t have to do any work or pay for anything in lieu of all the work I’ve done. She tells them that she’s gonna hang on to the cabin and baby Jeff will get most of it and my daughter inherits the rest.

my interpretation is she’s now wanting my daughter to enable baby Jeff when she’s dead. My daughter will be 55 and owning a cabin with a 65 yr old unemployed man. Crazy.

so i haven’t been out since 2020. I don’t want to go back and my daughter doesn’t even want to gout never mind own a cabin with a bay Jeff.

this guy is a clown. Mom is still working trying to keep the house and cabin. He’s just happy he’s getting the cabin.

I also found out He borrowed 900 from y daughter and only paid back 400. Nice. Stealing is bad. Stealing from family is pathetic. Stealing,from my daughter is unforgivable.

Bean438 said:

Hello all. Having some issues involving the in-laws “family” cabin.

In addition to the amount of work a cabin requires, this one needs more. It’s off grid, boat access only. Supplies need to be dragged down a hill and boated across.

Any kind of work and maintenance is easily doubled due to this.

I have done lots of work and repair because the father in law is70 and has a hard time keeping up. Besides I can’t sit on my *** and watch a 70 year old man work. It just ain’t right.

One of my issues is that my interpretation of a familly cabin is everyone gets their week or so, and then it’s someone else’s turn. Of course there’s usually an open week, and of course “work” weekends, as required.

This cabin is like a drop in where the grandkids come and go at will (empty handed), and it seems they are always busy for the “work” weekends.

Then There’s my brother in law “Jeff”. Jeff......

...Is 40 years old and lives in his parents basement
...is at the cabin without fail every weekend from May until October
...never brings any food or supplies (he is broke and has no money), BUT,
...he always has beer, pot, cigars, cigarettes, and he bought a drone, and
...has a new pickup truck with tinted windows, lift kit (point mad I think)
...never helps prepare meals, wash dishes
...never doesn’t any work at the cabin, or even help carry supplies from the boat
...complains if the meal is not to his liking
...over eats without consideration that others need to eat too

Basically he is a POS.

It feels like I go out to provide mom and dad with respite. I hate it. It’s not my place to say something but I don’t want to go anymore. I offered to buy a cottage or rent one as my wife really enjoys it. But the family cabin is special to her. She didn’t have much in life so this place means a lot, and her brothers behavior is normal.

In addition to doing all the work while “Jeff” sat and drank beer, the tipping point was when we all went into town to restock supplies last year. Of course “Jeff” restocked his beer, and pot with the money he didn’t have, but when I wanted to stop at a store to purchase a cabin maintenance related item, “Jeff” said “I’m on my holidays and we’re not wasting anymore of my time driving around”.

This guy is an arrogant, lazy, freeloading jerk. The parents enable him.

I want to help mom and dad out as I enjoy building and fixing things. But I’m having a real problem with this guy. I was able to ignore him and simply take the high road and be the better person.

I can do lazy but I don’t do disrespectful.

Wifey doesn’t want to buy or rent because she thinks her parents will be insulted.

As of last year I still went out, but I have stopped doing any work on the cabin except for dishes, and meal prep. It’s not my cabin and not my responsibility. I find it difficult to watch dad work.

Any ideas how to tackle this? And yes I’ve thought about using him as a boat anchor, lol. Jk

Click to expand...

jeff sounds like my uncle but my uncles got money

redneck mechinics shop mi said:

jeff sounds like my uncle but my uncles got money

Click to expand...

If he has money then he’s,nothing like Jeff.

Bean438 said:

If he has money then he’s,nothing like Jeff.

Click to expand...

i guess so

Pack up what's yours and never look back. My wife and I have been married 42 years and we take vacations... apart.. I use all my animals as my excuse.. 4 dogs, 3 cats, 2 parakeets, no one to take care of them while we're away. My oldest son in in the Air Force up in Anchorage and between him and his 2nd wife, they have 6 kids. Wife takes off and goes to visit them when she wants to. Never gets any argument from me. Neither of my sons will answer a call or text message from me.. My wife will usually tell me when one of them is going to call me about something he needs me to send him.. Funny thing, my phone doesn't catch all the calls that come in.

We don't have a cabin, don't want one really.. Got an RV that I need to do some serious repairs on because of Pacific North Wet weather.. Might just buy a bigger one.. Probably never happen. I'm more than happy with the canopy on my pickup truck with nice benches in the back, a cooler, porta potty.. Wife says "I'm not going camping in that!" Funny, I don't ever remember asking her to..

I'd love to get another camper but, the one we have is a 27' Class C and she says it isn't big enough.. For who?!?!

Cut your brother-in-law off.. Don't answer his calls or anything. If your wife starts telling to something about him, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.. After 10 minutes or so, leave the bathroom and head out to your shop and spend enough time there so that she will forget what she was talking about.

Or, be blunt and tell her you don't give a damn about what Freddie the Freeloader is doing..