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Every Christmas season, when I open a card from someone, it always reminds me of what happened eight years ago. My wife and I had recently retired together from our jobs, she had worked at the same place as I did for 32 years, I had 31 in. I have an older sister with several (six) failed marriages, no real job or employment history, who never had money to pay her bills, but always seemed to have funds for cigarettes, new jewelry, or trips to the local casinos.

My sister usually lived off her husbands, or boyfriends, or failing that, mooching of my elderly parents, while preferring to work as little as possible. I had no contact with her for many years, but that Christmas she sent us a beautiful card, what a surprise. I opened it and read, "Congratulations on your retirement, sorry I have not been in touch, can I borrow $2500 by Friday (card arrived on Tuesday) because I will be evicted otherwise. I promise to pay you back as soon as I can..."

Well, my wife and I had to wait two months for our first pension checks, meaning we had to live off our savings until then. I thought about the issue a few minutes, then sat down and totaled up all the bills we had to pay for the next two months, including a $2200 property tax bill, and clipped several help wanted pages from the newspaper, wrote a note that said "sorry we cannot help you, we can use some help with this list of bills, if you find a job in these ads, please let us know as we could use a loan ourselves"...and sent everything back i (list, note, ads, in a very nice Christmas card to her.

I have not heard from my sister since, does anybody think I did something wrong? :laughing::laughing:

JDgreen said:

I have not heard from my sister since, does anybody think I did something wrong? :laughing::laughing:

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I don't think it was wrong. She's your sister and it's your call. I see it as impossible for me to pass judgement on you for those actions or improper for me have any opinion on you or your sister having never met either of you. I don't even think your sister should hold anything against you for your behavior. It's only $2500.00 (not that it's a significant amount). If your sister was living under a bridge or became very sick or elderly and could not take care of herself I think you would be there for her. And at the rate things are going it's a real possibility.
I think all of us have relatives or friends that see things a little differently and make different choices then we might. We all have to live with the consequences, it is what it is.

RobertBrown said:

I don't think it was wrong. She's your sister and it's your call. I see it as impossible for me to pass judgement on you for those actions or improper for me have any opinion on you or your sister having never met either of you. I don't even think your sister should hold anything against you for your behavior. It's only $2500.00 (not that it's a significant amount). If your sister was living under a bridge or became very sick or elderly and could not take care of herself I think you would be there for her. And at the rate things are going it's a real possibility.
I think all of us have relatives or friends that see things a little differently and make different choices then we might. We all have to live with the consequences, it is what it is.

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"ONLY $2500..." That is a LOT of money to retired folks, at least this one. May sound hard hearted on my part but if my sister was living under a bridge she would get squat from me then too. Remember Paul Newman in "Nobody's Fool"? A person who revels in being irresponsible? My sister has the health and intelligence to work, always has been able to, just simply too lazy to work at a steady job. While I worked, I paid taxes to support people like her although they were not any relation or known to me. Those who are too lazy to work and prefer to accept a handout disgust me. PERIOD.

JDgreen said:

"ONLY $2500..." That is a LOT of money to retired folks, at least this one. May sound hard hearted on my part but if my sister was living under a bridge she would get squat from me then too. Remember Paul Newman in "Nobody's Fool"? A person who revels in being irresponsible? My sister has the health and intelligence to work, always has been able to, just simply too lazy to work at a steady job. While I worked, I paid taxes to support people like her although they were not any relation or known to me. Those who are too lazy to work and prefer to accept a handout disgust me. PERIOD.

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I meant to say ("not that it's not a sigificant amount").
After having read your last post, I think you did your sister a bigger favor by not loaning her the money.
Seems like this a sore epot for you and I'm sorry to hear that.

RobertBrown said:

I meant to say ("not that it's not a sigificant amount").
After having read your last post, I think you did your sister a bigger favor by not loaning her the money.
Seems like this a sore epot for you and I'm sorry to hear that.

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Thanks for your feedback and advice, perhaps I was too hard on my sister, she would have been happy to go to work at a job that paid big bucks and full benefits, while not requiring any work and you could come and go as you felt like it. If anyone knows of a job opening like that, I will be most happy to apply. :biggrin:

I've seen my share of freeloaders at the job I had and had a belly full of em.I never drew one day unemployment,I always earned my keep even if it meant working two jobs.I think someone with your sister's history (no offence) only enables and reinforces the idea that her lifestyle is ok with you if you would've given in to her request.Some folks have that sense of entilement.What you did was right on the mark, good for you. russ

I am only young but currently cannot work because of health problems caused by my work. I worked from the time I was 14 until they medically put me off, I have degenerateness disk disease and my physically demanding job wasn't working for me anymore . I am awaiting a different job and some retraining.
I hate people who expect hand outs. I think you also did your sister a favor. My father has a free loading sister like that, she married for money, then was left with none, she mooched off my grandmother until she died then tried her brothers and most sent her out on her tail.

monica,I wish you well russ

173abn said:

monica,I wish you well russ

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Monica, I admire your determination and attitude, one person like you contributes more to society than 100 freeloaders do...:thumbsup:

That is a kind of dillema and it is easy for us to pass judgments but at the end of it all, it is you that understands her best.

We all have these unique characters in our families. I would suggest you help her out if you are in a position to.

mois25 said:

That is a kind of dillema and it is easy for us to pass judgments but at the end of it all, it is you that understands her best.

We all have these unique characters in our families. I would suggest you help her out if you are in a position to.

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Thanks for your input, I AM in a position to help her out but choose not to. My wife and I worked steadily for 40 years so we I could afford a comfortable retirement. Now, why should I choose to sacrifice now because a family member wanted to be irresponsible and coast along, doing as little as possible? If the situation were reversed, I know my sister wouldn't give a (bleep) about me. She created her situation, she can live with it.

JDgreen said:

... never had money to pay her bills, but always seemed to have funds for cigarettes, new jewelry, or trips to the local casinos.

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If you had sent her the money, it's likely she would have used part of it for cigarettes & jewelry, then taken the rest to the casino to get back what she had spent. Then she would have been back asking for more. What you did most likely saved you 8 years of repeating the same thing.

I think you did her a favor. If you would have given her a handout she would continually expect it. Especially if she is aware you have that kind of money.